Asyik makan je

Ingat tak ada satu artikel dalam suratkhabar bahasa Melayu pasal orang yang suka ambik gambar makanan adalah orang yang sakit mental, and it turned out that it came from an English article, it's just that the Malay newspaper understood / translated it wrongly?

Well, aku bukan nak kutuk, the damage has been done..now most people here think that way, thanks to our local newspaper.

It's 14 of Ramadhan and guess what? I only took 2 pictures of my food...hehehe


Jemput-jemput udang kering, mashed potatoes, grilled salmon head + vege with homemade teriyaki sauce and mushroom macaroni made by my neighbour, for sungkei (buka puasa in Sarawakian dialect)



My version of nasi goreng kampung with lots of veges..gigih masak for sahur pagi tadi sebab dah bosan with my toast-choc spread-banana slices routine...

Alrite..wanna go call my mum..today's her birthday and I can't wait for her to come here the day after tomorrow to open her present!! <3

I'm celebrating Eid in KL this year. Coz I have to work. Luckily my family is willing to keep me company, hence we'll all be here.

I feel bad for my parents especially since they have to be stucked in the apartment while I go to work. I was depressed at first but now am more accepting to that fact.

Hopefully there'll be some time between operations an waiting on cement for me to take them cuti-cuti malaysia...kesian...their colleagues from semenanjung kept telling them that raya di Kuching lagi meriah..

Huhu...since nak raya di sini, there are certain things that I need to get for my bachelor pad:

1. New dining chairs - right now I have 3 broken chairs and 3 wobbly ones...buat malu je

2. Convertible kitchen workbench / trolley...mom tends to mess up my kitchen with her activities..hehe..been wanting this for 2 years already, just can't justify it until right now :P

3. Cutleries...I have some nice fork and spoons reserved for guests' use..but just need some more..

4. Cake tier / serving plate

5. Cookies container - this one mom said she'll bring

6. Curtains for my sliding door - I just need to feel the raya mood la, I think the depression is going to come back when it's Raya and reality kicks in..huhu




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Riding the Waves of Iman

Yesterday, I suddenly had an urge to drive my car to work, despite the LRT station just opposite my basement and the fact that it will take 4-7 times longer to reach home in the traffic.

I found out that my car is unlocked. The last time it was used was 4 days before. Luckily, all the valuables are still there, intact.

At that moment, this thought cross my mind. If Allah wills something to happen, it will happen despite all odds, and His is the only protection that we should seek for.

By the way, I would like to share with you this article, it made perfect sense to me, hence I hope it will do you good as well....

Also do read about her beautifully written thoughts on "means" and "ends" here:

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/01/03/this-is-love/

This is Awakening


By: Yasmin Mogahed

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/04/25/this-is-awakening/

It’s hard to describe the feeling. Imagine living your entire life in a cave and believing it was your whole world. Then suddenly you step outside. For the first time in your life, you see the sky. You see the trees and the birds and the sun. For the first time in your life, you realize that the world you once knew was false. For the first time, you discover a Truer, more beautiful Reality. Imagine the high of that realization. For a moment, you feel you can do anything. Suddenly, nothing from your previous life in the cave matters. You become empowered, fully awake, fully alive, fully aware for the very first time. It is an unexplainable feeling. This is the spiritual high that comes with newly discovered Truth.


This is Awakening.

A convert to Islam knows this feeling. A born Muslim who comes back to the deen knows this feeling. Any human being who lives their life away from God, and returns, knows this feeling. This state is what Ibn ul Qayyim (RA) calls ‘yaqatha’ (awakening) in his book ‘Madarij Al Salikeen’ (Stations on the Path to God). He describes this state as the first station on the path to Allah. This is the state sometimes referred to as the “convert zeal”. When a person first converts or starts coming back to Allah they are often full of motivation and energy that others do not have. The reason for this energy is the spiritual high, characteristic of this state.

Characteristics of the Station of Awakening


Allah makes worship easier:

While in this state, worship becomes much easier. A person is so driven and motivated that they may easily sacrifice everything for the sake of the new reality they have discovered. This zeal can take a person from 0 to 60 in no time. It’s like being on spiritual steroids. The strength you have is not from your own self, but from an aid that was given to you. In this case the aid is given by God. Some may advise not changing too much, too fast. I don’t think fast change is the problem. I think arrogance is. I think hopelessness is. If Allah gives you a gift whereby you are able to do more, use it. But thank Him—not yourself, for that ability. And know that the heightened state is temporary. You may go from 0 to 60 in a very short time due to it, but when the high passes, don’t lose hope and let yourself slip back to 0.

Temporary:

Like every state in this life, this state is temporary. Life is never linear. And neither is the path to God. Not realizing this can cause despair and hopelessness once it passes.


Pitfalls of This State

The 2 pitfalls associated with this state correspond to not understanding the characteristics of the state listed above. These pitfalls are also the 2 causes of stagnation on the path to God: arrogance/complacency and hopelessness. The arrogant person already feels they are good enough, so they stop striving. The hopeless person believes that they will never be good enough, so they stop striving. Two opposite maladies, leading to the same result: To stop moving on the path to God.


Arrogance:

The first pitfall corresponds to not understanding that the increased ability to worship came from God and is a characteristic of the state—not the individual! The one who doesn’t understand this wrongfully attributes the heightened ability to worship to one’s own righteousness. This false attribution is very dangerous because it leads to arrogance and self-righteousness. Rather than realizing this heightened ‘religious state’ is a gift from God, the worshiper feels a sense of hidden pride and may look down on others who don’t share similar zeal.


Despair and Hopelessness:

This pitfall corresponds to not understanding that like all states in life, the spiritual high is temporary. This does not mean you have failed or done something wrong! Most people know what it feels like after the Ramadan high has passed. The instability of the ‘high’ is a characteristic of life. And that lesson is one even Abu Bakr (RA) had to learn. One day Abu Bakr (RA) and Hanzala (RA) came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said: ‘Hanzala is a hypocrite, Messenger of Allah!’ The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘Why is that?’ I said, ‘Messenger of Allah, when we are with you, you remind us of the Garden and Fire and it is as if we could see them with our eyes. When we leave your presence, we attend to our wives, children and estates in a state of great heedlessness.’ The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘By the One in whose hand my soul is, if you were to remain in the state you are in when you are in my presence and in the dhikr (remembrance), the angels would shake hands with you on your bed and in the street, but, Hanzala, different times are not the same.’ three times.” [Muslim]


After the Spiritual High Has Passed

The most important part of this journey is never giving up! Know that you don’t feel the same zeal, not because you have failed at something. The dip that follows the high is a natural part of the path! Just as the Prophet (pbuh) explained to Abu Bakr (RA), these ups and downs are part of the path. And had we always remained in the high, we wouldn’t be human. We’d be angels! The determining aspect for success is not so much what we do when we’re up. The question is what we do when were down—when we’re not feeling it. The key to succeeding on this path is that once you do reach your ‘low’, you keep going, knowing that it’s normal.


Shaytan’s Traps

Remember Shaytan will get at you in different ways depending you your state.


When You’re High:

When you’re high, he’ll try to get you by making you arrogant. He’ll try to get you by making you look down on others. He’ll try to get you eventually by being so pleased with yourself that you don’t think you need to keep striving because you are already so great (and better than others around you). He will consistently make you look at those who appear to do less than you to justify your own shortcomings. For example, if you don’t wear hijab, he’ll make you think, “There are hijabis that do x, y, z bad things! At least I don’t do those things! I do x, y, z good things that hijabis don’t do!” Or if you slacken in prayer, you may think, “At least I’m not clubbing or drinking like so and so.” Remember, Allah isn’t grading on a curve. It makes no difference what others are doing. We all stand alone on the Day of Judgment. And this is just a tool of Shaytan to make us stop striving.

When You’re Low:

But when you’re low, shaytan will try to get at you differently; he’ll try to get you by making you hopeless. He’ll try to make you believe that you’re worthless and that there’s no point in trying. He’ll try to make you believe you are a failure and no matter what you do, you’ll never get back to where you once were! Or he may try to make you believe that you’re too ‘bad’ for Allah to forgive you. As a result, you may let yourself fall further. You may have been up once, and then felt so bad about yourself because you started to slacken in your worship. And maybe because of your previous self-righteousness you didn’t give people permission to make mistakes or be weak. This ends up becoming self-destructive because it further translates to not giving yourself ‘permission’ to make mistakes and be weak.

Since you believe you don’t have permission to be human and fallible, when you do make a mistake, you are so hard on yourself that you lose hope. So you let yourself go. You may end up committing more sins, which only makes your hopelessness worse! And it becomes a self-perpetuating vicious cycle. Shaytan will also try to make you believe that you shouldn’t try to repent or pray because you’d be a hypocrite since you are such a ‘bad’ person. He wants you to despair in the mercy of Allah. That’s what he wants! These are all lies, of course. But he’s good at what he does, after all. When you have sinned, that’s when you need to turn to Allah even more—not less!

To protect yourself from this downward spiral, remember that the lows are part of the path. Remember that ‘futoor’ (the dip) is part of being human. Once you realize that this does not mean you failed or that you are a hypocrite (like Abu Bakr (RA) thought), you can keep from giving up once you get there. The key is to develop certain habits which become your ‘bare minimum’. That means no matter how you feel, how unmotivated, how low, you still do these things at the very least. You realize that when you’re at your low, it’s going to be harder, but you struggle to keep doing them. For example, the bare minimum is the 5 daily prayers at their appointed times. This should *never* be compromised no matter *how much* you’re ‘not feeling it’. They should be considered like breathing air. Imagine what would happen if every time you were exhausted or in a bad mood you decided not to breathe!

It is preferred to have other rituals that are part of the ‘bare minimum’. For example, stick to certain extra prayers and athkar or daily Quran—even if it’s little. Remember that Allah loves a small *consistent* action more than a huge inconsistent one. If you hold onto certain essentials during your ‘low’, you will ride the wave of iman and come back up, insha Allah. And, God willing, when you do go back up, you’ll be at a higher place than your last ‘high’.

Know that the path to Allah is not a flat one. Your iman (faith) will go up and down. Your ability to worship will go up and down. But, know that for every dip, there is also a rise. Just stay patient, stay consistent, don’t lose hope and seek help in Allah. The path is hard. The path will have bumps and drops. But, like all things in this life, this path will come to an end. And that end will make it all worth it!

Allah says:

‘Oh mankind, indeed you are ever toiling towards your lord, painfully toiling…But you shall meet Him’ (84:6)

My next experiment

Bulan puasa ni... kalau malas pergi beli, masak...kalau malas masak, pergi beli.... but since bulan puasa ni naik train je dan train station pulak kat bawah rumah, memang takde chance la nak lalu mana² tempat orang jual juadah buka puasa la kan...dah sampai rumah nak keluar balik memang liat sikit nak keluar especially kalau sorang²...alhamdulillah setakat ni 75% buka puasa kat rumah...walaupun simple..hehehe

So far dah masak nasik makan ngan lauk² simple je...buat cendawan goreng tepung (note to self: once u get the right batter consistency, jgn biar dia duduk lama²)..nasi goreng kampung full set ala² kat Serai..roti lapis berdaging..today my brothers request nak spaghetti bolognese with meatballs...tomorrow maybe nak grill salmon belly and salmon head with my own concoction of teriyaki sauce (experimenting)...hohoho....cooking is better than anti-depressant uols...

And then, since my bro likes to boast about his prawn curry, I'm planning to pair it with this...I had it before...memang sedap...and I can put the saffron that I have in my pantry to good use as well..


Seafood Paella (serves 6-8)


source: http://www.justeasyrecipes.co.za/2009/08/27/seafood-paella/

Spain’s most famous dish is a yummy concoction of rice, vegetables, beans, seafood and spices such as saffron. This easy seafood paella recipe will allow even the most inexperienced chef to produce an exciting and mouth-watering dinner.

Ingredients:

2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, finely chopped
1 green pepper, seeded and finely chopped
1 red or orange pepper, seeded and cut into strips
2 carrots, peeled and cut into julienne strips
2 cloves of crushed garlic
2 tomatoes, skinned and finely chopped
1 tsp saffron
350g long-grain rice
1kg mixed seafood (fish, prawns, calamari and mussels)
2-3 tbsp fresh coriander or parsley, chopped
200g sugar snap peas, trimmed
fresh limes or lemons, cut into wedges


Method:

1.Heat olive oil in a large frying pan.
2.Add onion, green and red peppers and carrots, and fry over a low heat for two minutes.
3.Add garlic, tomatoes and saffron and fry for three minutes.
4.Add the rice and stir well to make sure the rice is well coated.
5.Add about 800ml water or seafood stock and bring to the boil.
6.Simmer for 10 minutes.
7.Add seafood, coriander and sugar snap peas and stir well.
8.Cover and simmer for a further 10 -15 minutes.
9.Add a little water if it gets too dry.
10.The dish is ready once the mussels open and the rice is tender.
11.Season with salt and freshly ground black pepper, coriander and lemon wedges.

Happy Times

Sangat suka gambar ni hence putting it here

Of Mornings

Just for the record, the mornings are the hardest.
The pain kept coming back, in its rawest form.
No matter how much I block it, I still have to embrace and sit with it.
Be still, be very still.
Hoping it will glide away.
Wishing that this phase will go away.
Why does it keep dragging on?
Why do I have to walk around, not knowing whether this heavy feeling is a heartache or a heartburn?
I admitted defeat, didn't I?

Mornings are the hardest.


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Which day will it be?

Alhamdulillah, dah 3 hari kita berpuasa...actually nak cerita kisah sehari sebelum berpuasa hari tu....I had TC temankan, tolong makan dan bayarkan dessert di Ben's....hehehehe orang depressed nak makan several types of desserts but don't want to bear the consequences sorang²..

Sape yang pernah pergi Ben's taula that they have this table topic cards to kill time while waiting for your order or it's a first date and you mati kutu nak cakap apa....so this question came up:

IF YOU CAN GO BACK IN TIME AND RE-LIVE ONE DAY OF YOUR LIFE, WHICH DAY WILL IT BE?

I was expecting TC to answer one of the days that he spent with the love of his life, but instead he said New Zealand....auwwww....seriously made my day...the true meaning of friendship. There were 5 of us... albeit 2 orang join lambat sikit tapi tertinggal flight we all had fun...semua pun single masa tu, carefree...I was off-dating for more than 2 years (by choice) and 2 out of 5 of us don't really believe in love (not going to mention which ones!)... we rented a 1980's wagon that is still in good condition and I drove most of the time (sebab badan montel nak duduk berimpit 3 orang kat belakang tak best)

Too bad I can only dream of having a nice long vacation for the time being..........drilling uols! Raya pun aku sambut di KL aje...

NZ, Sept 2011

NAMELESS

There’s salvation in admitting defeat.

The peace of prostration.

Just stay still in that position,

With your head lowered.

Freeze.

Wait.

Stay humbled.

Wait.

Stay lowered. Until He raises you.

They’ve searched the world

for what can be found in the quietest corners of a room.

They search a million words for what can only be found in silence.

They create a million names for the nameless.

For what can only be found in wordless thought.

Nameless states.

Stop letting it own you.

Let it go.

Let it go for Him and He will honor you.

He will raise you.

I looked on every street corner,

Inside every store window,

In and through both heartache and beauty,

Inside the story within the story,

Behind the sheet music.

Names. We’re always looking for names.

We try to name all of it.

We think that if only we could name each chain,

they would all break.

Maybe I need to live between.

Between the words, the heart,

the space between earth and sky.

Maybe I could live there.

In the space between knowledge and understanding.

Between love and letting go.

In the place where it stops hurting to be so far away.

The place where you’re already there.

In the nameless.

He said, “She feels like a habit I’ll never break.”

Break.

Break, so you can break.

The strong fall so they can stand.

Fall.

There’s salvation in admitting defeat.

Adam (AS) admit defeat.

Yunus (AS) admit defeat.

Nuh (AS) admit defeat.

Ayoub (AS) admit defeat.

Muhammad (SAW) admit defeat.

How can you claim to be strong?

~by Yasmin Mogahed

Point Taken

"Being angry with another person, is like drinking poison yet expecting them to die from it."

I choose happy.

I choose to do whatever I feel like doing and be done with it.

No anger.

P/S: by the way article ini sangat best...


http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/people-leave-each-other-but-do-they-return/

“What is with you must vanish: what is with Allah will endure. And We will certainly bestow, on those who patiently persevere, their reward according to the best of their actions.” (Quran 16:96)




   

title-less

Took this selfie during my travel in Goa last year

Being there was like transported back to the hippies era

Where everybody walks around without a sense of time

high on weeds, waking up on the beach not knowing how they got there

It's not Patong Beach crazy though,

just that when you are here

you just let time passes by

without much worry in your head

maybe that's the reason I have that insanely happy smile

oh how I wish I can rewind time to go back to this very moment

to have that glint in my eyes

to feel the light in my heart

or to fast forward to happier times

but time travel is not yet possible

hence life has to be faced

one day at a time

"The enduring life is the one that begins once we awaken from this world. And it is in that awakening that we realize................it was only a dream."

Just Give Me a Reason - Pink ft Nate Ruess

Right from the start
You were a thief you stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep
Things you never say to me
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Im sorry I don't understand where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
Oh we had everything
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everything
And its all in your mind
Yeah but this is happening
You've been having real bad dreams
Oh oh
You used to lie so close to me
Oh oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between out love, our love, oh our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
Your not broken just bent and we can learn to love again

Oh tears ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust but our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

The Stab

Don't grieve at the stab.

It's only meant to free you.

From the chains that bind you to the earth

and shackle you to the shadows of people.

The mirage of water cannot quench.

But is so beautiful to the thirsty.

I'm afraid. Of never knowing another life.

Different. So different.

If I let go, will You take me higher?

Above grief, want, loss.

Above all that I've ever known.

Take me higher. Unbind me from the earth.

Like a vaccine, it sickens, to make you stronger.

The stab is temporary. The freedom, eternal.

- YASMIN MOGAHED

in the mood for Paulo

***hhehehe...apa Lennon buat kat sini?