2013 - The Recap

Phewww....it's the last day of the Gregorian calendar...this was indeed an interesting year.. and I'm having mixed emotions right now (well, partly because I have a huge backlog of things that I haven't finished and I want to go back early like everybody else)

Anyway, to summarize 2013:

1. Dad had been ill since Oct/Nov 2012, we had to push him on wheelchair most of the times. But came January 2013, he was totally bedridden and totally lost strength of his four limbs.
2. Went to umrah with my parents in March / April 2013.
3. Dad regained his health circa March / April, despite still having to rely on medications till now. Mom went back to work after 3 months of unpaid leave. Alhamdulillah
4. 2013 travels: Semarang, Jakarta, Umrah, Turkey (Istanbul & Cappadocia), Penang, Bali ... not much as I used to though
5. Busy at work....the year just went passed me
6. I lost 8kg in 2012, only to regain at least half of it back in 2013....no idea how much, I haven't been on the scales since March.
7. Bought a trombone. The community band that I'm part of just performed at Sungei Wang Plaza as part of their Christmas entertainment program.
8. Got my heart broken. Twice.
9. Got to know Mr C. Despite all odds, we fell in love.
10. Didn't make any major purchases this year. Not even a single designer handbag. (sigh....how did I miss out on this KPI.. ;P )
11. I learned to let go of all my emotional attachments. Much calmer now, but I'm still on my learning process.
12. Finally found skin care and cosmetics that work for my skin. **macam cantik je**
13. A year of seeking knowledge, insha Allah will be consistent on this.

Here you go. 13 points to summarize my 2013. Hoping for a wonderful, colourful and blessed 2014. Amin ya rabbal 'alamiin

 

 

 

He said...

His version of our story....

Of course everything is centered around him la kan...entah apa yang dia tak puas hati dengan aku, aku pun tak tau

Aku nak tulis aku punya version ke?

Maybe not...biarlah dia happy with his thoughts....we are where we are right now. :)

Happy dan berusaha ke arah kehidupan yang lebih baik.

In shaa Allah

Love you Mr C


P/S: weekend ni kitorang tak dating...semalam dia busy dan hari ni I kena gi Dr Muhaya's talk for the whole day....winduuuu....

source: postsecret.com

 

The Sweetest Thing

The guys in my life, despite their shortcomings, say the sweetest things sometimes..

"Adin dapat allowance RM200, RM100 bagi mak, RM50 kak long ambik keyh"

"I might be your younger brother but nevertheless I'm so protective of you...if that guy is playing you, I'm gonna kill him"

"Kamu anak yang baik, I want you to have all the happiness in the world"

"You might not be other person's cup of tea...but you're the Nescafe that I must have everyday"

:-)

Alhamdulillah for all the love YOU give me ya Allah..

P/S: Mr C makes way better nescafe than me, I've ditched my usual teh tarik nowadays


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Teared up reading this

Tsk tsk tsk







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Post Secret - my pick of the week

Source: www.postsecret.com





He said, "Starting next year kena workout tau"

She said, "Takut baju pengantin tak muat ke?"

He said, "For our health...nanti tak sempat anak nak panggil walid..awak dah jadi MJ"

Errrkkkk....bye2 cupcakes..

Bali Chatter

It's my 6th day in Bali...flying back today...back to work and responsibilities...

Thought of walking to the beach (this villa has its own private access to the beach), but it's raining outside...hmmm, I just lie down on the day bed at the balcony




It had been a great holiday...I really felt burned out with work..and I came here just to relax...percaya tak, Tanah Lot pun aku tak pegi... hahahaha...more reasons to come back here..nak datang dengan hero yang gagah la.. best sikit, rasa secure je nak pegi tempat2 yang banyak monyet.. ehhh








I'm glad that my parents are enjoying themselves too...dad complained that I never bring him to my travels...so I gave him a taste on what I usually do...tapi sebab bawak parents dan aku pun datang sini nak rest so 50% of the time we stayed in and enjoy the room...we stayed in boutique villas both in Ubud and Seminyak, but took the suite rooms (awkward siot kalau duduk villa designed for honeymoon-ers tapi ko ngan parents ko)




Hmmm...sudah melalut..anyway, kalau biasa mesti rasa berat hati nak balik..well, memang nak stay lama sikit pun..tapi hati sudah merindu Mr Chenta...I think kalau lagi 3 hari jauh2 macam ni mungkin boleh mendatangkan depression...even though hari2 skype...sebab kadang2 kalau line tak elok muka dia jadi macam ni..




To quote my favorite article by Solitary Wanderer;

"If she says she loves you, she must have seen something in you, something that can always call her back from her travels, something that can anchor her to the world in the way that she wants to after weeks and months of being on the road.

Date a girl who travels. Make her feel safe, warm, and secure. Make her believe that no matter where she goes, and however long she’s gone, you’ll always be there for her, the one that she can call home."

It doesn't matter where I go, how long we've been apart and who I met along the way...in the end, it's YOU that I'm coming back to.. it's in your arms where I feel belong to...it's home.




P/S: jiwang la pulak...rasa nak muntah hijau dengan ayat yang dikarang sendiri...kekekeke <3 br="">

Fly fly fly

Waiting for my flight...after 6 months hiatus, it's time to see the world...

Of course I'll be missing my Mr Chenta..takpe rindu simpan lama-lama baru best...kan?

Luv u




@KLIA, G2

Selalu Denganmu

adakah waktu yg tak berbatas
untukku merasa bahagia
saat-saat aku jatuh cinta
saat ku terbang jauh ke sana

reff: selalu denganmu
kasihku selamanya
selalu denganmu
cintaku bersama

kaulah matahari dalam hidupku
dan kaulah cahaya bulan di malamku
hadirmu selalu akan ku tunggu
cintamu selalu akan ku rindu

repeat reff

tahukah kau diriku
tak sanggup hidup
bila kau jauh dariku
ku ingin di pelukmu selalu

hadirmu selalu akan ku tunggu
cintamu selalu akan ku rindu
dan tiada lagi batas ruang waktu

tahukah kau diriku
tak sanggup hidup
bila kau jauh dariku
ku ingin di pelukmu selalu

oh Tuhan tetapkan rasa cintaku ini
hanya untukmu
selalu setia selama-lamanya

tahukah kau diriku
tak sanggup hidup
bila kau jauh dariku

Just some positive thoughts

POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

Personality:

1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment

3. Don't over do; keep your limits

4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does

5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip

6. Dream more while you are awake

7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..

8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present

11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you

12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.

Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

13. Smile and laugh more

14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.



Community:

15. Call your family often

16. Each day give something good to others

17. Forgive everyone for everything

18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6

19. Try to make at least three people smile each day

20. What other people think of you is none of your business

21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.



Life:

22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.

23. GOD heals everything

24. Do the right things

25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change

26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up

27. The best is yet to come

28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful

29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it

30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.



While you practice all of the above, share this knowledge with the people you love, people you school with,

people you play with, people you work with and people you live with.

Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you.

50 Days of Love

"Life is a journey in which we are all travellers, looking to make that great trip with someone....
journeys are made by the people you travel with"

I love this quote, taken from the Malaysia Airlines' current advert... the one where everybody walks around with a luggage...at first I thought the message was "everybody has an emotional baggage", until I heard this quote in the end...hehehe

Well...for a girl who used to live between airports...the last time I got my pasport stamped was 6 months ago...I used to have this resolution to run out of pasport pages before its expiry and voila, I did it on the last one.

I guess traveling has to make way for other priorities now...but it will always be my passion...as for now, there is an important journey I'm about to embark on, in sha Allah..with YOU






Mode: taking my parents for a holiday

Of Milestone(s)

One month of being together.

Of having gone through my self-imposed probation period (yeay!)

Of learning to let go of my fear and be happy in the situation.

Of secret exchange of smiles.

Of getting to know the good and the bad side of each other and falling in love even more.

Of long late night phone calls that have to stop soon.

Of prepping ourselves - you and I against the world.

Of becoming a better person, whether as an individual, or as US.

Of my love for desserts and your expanding waistline ;P

Of understanding the person that you want to love.

Of whole-hearted acceptance and baseline rules.

Of painting the picture of our future.

Of turning mellow.

Of love and emotional detachment.

Of having faith in Allah and ceaseless prayers.









P/S: you look good in grey but not so in blue/turquoise (apa motif cakap kat sini?)

Retweet

@TheSingleWoman: If your heart was THAT capable of loving the WRONG one, imagine how wonderful it will be when u meet the RIGHT one! #TheSW

I love this tweet so much I just have to quote it everywhere. :-)))

InsyaAllah

Not all are peaches and cream..

I was supposed to be losing weight while my brother is away, but YOU happened.

The downside of being in a relationship with someone who love you as you are is.......

You will surely get FAT in the process.

Yelah, bak kata Kak Maz, ada teman makan...walau tak makan pun, enzim bahagia tu cukup bikin gemuk.

I was so upset this morning, I started talking to my jeans. You don't want to know what our conversation was all about though.

Mr Chenta, something needs to be done with the current situation.

Or....do I need to go work somewhere else and be apart for a while until kurus macam Kate Moss? LDR lagi? Oh tidak...best wooo buah hati dekat-dekat ni :)

Fine. Nak continue being depressed.

- the werewolf

FULL

It's weekend again.

Started with belated birthday dinner for Mr Chenta after work on Friday, pastu gi tengok the Twin Towers all lighted up in pink.




Today, 8.30 am ada orang nak datang service water dispenser. One good thing about Coway is if the customer is a woman, now they will send a woman technician...sangat bagus.

Then, I will pick up Aishah at her hotel then off we go to The Curve for lunch reunion... Ex-Miri Babes (not Miri ex-babes..we're still as gorgeous as we were back then hahahahahha)...all the girls are here now in KL + Aishah for the weekend. Now all we're missing are Suraya and Christy.

The hardest part would be to go back early as I have yet to submit the abstract for my conference paper. Agghhhh....yes, this procrastinator has to go to the office after that.

Sunday - full day of majlis ilmu. I will share with you kalau ada benda bermanfaat okeyh!

Till then.

Thanks, YOU

I wrote this, 3 years back.

At that time, I was living my life alternating between Miri and KL, like nobody's business.

Too tired to be in either places. Neither here nor there.

I felt a sense of dejavu this afternoon.

A feeling like I don't belong. Sebatang kara. Huk huk...

Well, dah 20 tahun kot hidup macam ni, dasar cengeng dan drama queen la katakan...

Anyway,I got a reason to smile today.

I'm (almost) home.

Daerah itu...

Rindu tempat ini.

The chaos. The food. The superficial-ness. The pureness.

Tempat jatuh lagi dikenang (memang aku pernah jatuh motor pun kat sini), apatah lagi tempat di mana hati pernah berlabuh.

Banyak kenangan suka-duka di sini, yang seharusnya ku simpan jauh-jauh di sudut kenangan. Sudah takdirNya begitu. Tutup buku lama, buka buku baru.




Mr Chenta nak ke temankan pi sini? Saya rindu nak makan ketoprak, kerak telor sama sate kambing.....and I will need your help to carry all the bags when I go shopping at Tanah Abang. Plleeeaaassssseeeee.... :****

******************************************

Saatnya ku berkata mungkin yang terakhir kalinya
Sudahlah lepaskan semua kuyakin inilah waktunya
Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

Dan mungkin bila nanti kita kan bertemu lagi
Satu pintaku jangan kau coba tanyakan kembali
Rasa yang kutinggal mati
Seperti hari kemarin saat semua disini

Dan bila hatimu termenung bangun dari mimpi-mimpimu
Membuka hatimu yang dulu cerita saat bersamaku
Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

Tak usah kau tanyakan lagi
Simpan untukmu sendiri
Semua sesal yang kau cari
Semua rasa yang kau beri

Wordless Wednesday #31

8 October 2013

I turned 31 yesterday.

Gambar di atas saja je nak record how do I look on this day..huhu

First time I didn't take any leave and fly somewhere in 4 years.

It wasn't too bad.

I had my bosses buy me cake, they called up an urgent meeting and throw me a surprise.

Of course I figured it out already, because urgent meeting and not bothering me to come up with some data is not logical. But my colleague bought it and flashed out his presentation slides. Hence, we did have an hour of work discussion after the cake. Pfffttt. Nerds will always be nerds.

2013 has been a roller coaster hell of a year for me.

Alhamdulillah, I'm still breathing and smiling.

Alhamdulillah, I have a good job and a place to call my own.

Alhamdulillah, dikurniakan ketabahan menghadapi kesukaran.

Alhamdulillah, orang tuaku sihat walafiat.

Alhamdulillah, for siblings who get on your nerves but are always there.

Alhamdulillah for friends that show their relentless support and listening ears, desserts included.

Alhamdulillah, diketemukan dengan Mr Chenta yang hensem di mata saya, baik hati dan tak kisah kalau saya makan banyak. Ehhhh.... :-P

Hopefully this is the one till jannah.

Alhamdulillah for the air that I breathe.

So many things to be thankful for.

Thank you Allah.

I'm in Love

It still feels surreal.

One minute I was living my own life, minding my own business, surrendering to fate and the next thing I know, suddenly this person swept me off my feet.

I can't explain how I feel, but it's just different this time. The more we know each other, ikatan hati terasa semakin kuat.

Takpe, kalau dah jodoh semuanya akan dipermudahkan.

Doakan kami ye.

Amiin.




Saya sayang kamu, Mr Chenta.

Who said it?

Le secret est,

Je suis desole, je vous aime..

One Word

November

The fireworks have finished and the cork is back in the bottle. But yes, we had a successful drilling campaign for the appraisal well. I still have 8 more wells to drill (since I work both projects), so obviously takde rehat pun...anyway, rasa berbaloi je tak balik raya, with the well results. Tambah berbaloi bila dapat SRA for the effort....Alhamdulillah...rezeki rezeki...

So here's a teaser to what are currently tempting me:

huhuhu prioritize....prioritize....

tapi kan...Tefal Actifry tu I dah beli dah pun...just waiting for it to arrive from London...tak tahan la tengok blog kak LG....boleh makan segala benda lazat yang bergoreng without worrying too much about the oil....

Hang in there

Assalamu'alaikum friends / silent readers / stalkers sekalian....

**entah siapala kan yang kat Latvia tu yang rajin menjenguk kat sini...I actually had to google where that is**

Been sharing a lot of things on facebook lately...but the deeper stuffs I still put here la...with the deepest stuffs kept to myself... Hahaha

Lots of things had happen these 2-3 months. Let me just sum it up as a humiliating experience, perhaps designed to keep me humble...

put it this way la...if life is like work, I need to undergo difficult task and targets in order to get my promotion..so bersangka baik jelah kan...

InnAllaha Ma'ana - Allah is always with us

Hang in there



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Kerlipan Cinta

Hidayah…


Kerlipan cipta Cintaku

Harum rembulan mawar

Dingin dihakis cita keseorangan



Aku…

Masih menghitung diri

Kesiangan yang panjang

Ingin mengisi hati



Padamu Kasih

satukan aku

dengan rahmat-Mu

dengan Kalimah



Malam siangku

berliku liku

duri dugaan

siratan Cinta



Biar di jemala mentari

dan di bahu gunung berapi

Pasrahku abadi untuk-Mu

untuk-Mu…



Ku… kembara setia disisi-Nya

Ku… inginkan bahagia abadi

Ku… impikan sentosa naungan-Nya



selamanya…

Wordless Wednesday

The last weekend of Ramadhan

No turning back. I was supposed to be on the 1400 flight yesterday but I've already changed it to September.

I hope this Syawal is going to be a good one, even though it doesn't seem so at the moment.

Mode: menunggu kemunculan baru pasir yang mengandungi hidrokarbon



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Asyik makan je

Ingat tak ada satu artikel dalam suratkhabar bahasa Melayu pasal orang yang suka ambik gambar makanan adalah orang yang sakit mental, and it turned out that it came from an English article, it's just that the Malay newspaper understood / translated it wrongly?

Well, aku bukan nak kutuk, the damage has been done..now most people here think that way, thanks to our local newspaper.

It's 14 of Ramadhan and guess what? I only took 2 pictures of my food...hehehe


Jemput-jemput udang kering, mashed potatoes, grilled salmon head + vege with homemade teriyaki sauce and mushroom macaroni made by my neighbour, for sungkei (buka puasa in Sarawakian dialect)



My version of nasi goreng kampung with lots of veges..gigih masak for sahur pagi tadi sebab dah bosan with my toast-choc spread-banana slices routine...

Alrite..wanna go call my mum..today's her birthday and I can't wait for her to come here the day after tomorrow to open her present!! <3

I'm celebrating Eid in KL this year. Coz I have to work. Luckily my family is willing to keep me company, hence we'll all be here.

I feel bad for my parents especially since they have to be stucked in the apartment while I go to work. I was depressed at first but now am more accepting to that fact.

Hopefully there'll be some time between operations an waiting on cement for me to take them cuti-cuti malaysia...kesian...their colleagues from semenanjung kept telling them that raya di Kuching lagi meriah..

Huhu...since nak raya di sini, there are certain things that I need to get for my bachelor pad:

1. New dining chairs - right now I have 3 broken chairs and 3 wobbly ones...buat malu je

2. Convertible kitchen workbench / trolley...mom tends to mess up my kitchen with her activities..hehe..been wanting this for 2 years already, just can't justify it until right now :P

3. Cutleries...I have some nice fork and spoons reserved for guests' use..but just need some more..

4. Cake tier / serving plate

5. Cookies container - this one mom said she'll bring

6. Curtains for my sliding door - I just need to feel the raya mood la, I think the depression is going to come back when it's Raya and reality kicks in..huhu




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Riding the Waves of Iman

Yesterday, I suddenly had an urge to drive my car to work, despite the LRT station just opposite my basement and the fact that it will take 4-7 times longer to reach home in the traffic.

I found out that my car is unlocked. The last time it was used was 4 days before. Luckily, all the valuables are still there, intact.

At that moment, this thought cross my mind. If Allah wills something to happen, it will happen despite all odds, and His is the only protection that we should seek for.

By the way, I would like to share with you this article, it made perfect sense to me, hence I hope it will do you good as well....

Also do read about her beautifully written thoughts on "means" and "ends" here:

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/01/03/this-is-love/

This is Awakening


By: Yasmin Mogahed

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/04/25/this-is-awakening/

It’s hard to describe the feeling. Imagine living your entire life in a cave and believing it was your whole world. Then suddenly you step outside. For the first time in your life, you see the sky. You see the trees and the birds and the sun. For the first time in your life, you realize that the world you once knew was false. For the first time, you discover a Truer, more beautiful Reality. Imagine the high of that realization. For a moment, you feel you can do anything. Suddenly, nothing from your previous life in the cave matters. You become empowered, fully awake, fully alive, fully aware for the very first time. It is an unexplainable feeling. This is the spiritual high that comes with newly discovered Truth.


This is Awakening.

A convert to Islam knows this feeling. A born Muslim who comes back to the deen knows this feeling. Any human being who lives their life away from God, and returns, knows this feeling. This state is what Ibn ul Qayyim (RA) calls ‘yaqatha’ (awakening) in his book ‘Madarij Al Salikeen’ (Stations on the Path to God). He describes this state as the first station on the path to Allah. This is the state sometimes referred to as the “convert zeal”. When a person first converts or starts coming back to Allah they are often full of motivation and energy that others do not have. The reason for this energy is the spiritual high, characteristic of this state.

Characteristics of the Station of Awakening


Allah makes worship easier:

While in this state, worship becomes much easier. A person is so driven and motivated that they may easily sacrifice everything for the sake of the new reality they have discovered. This zeal can take a person from 0 to 60 in no time. It’s like being on spiritual steroids. The strength you have is not from your own self, but from an aid that was given to you. In this case the aid is given by God. Some may advise not changing too much, too fast. I don’t think fast change is the problem. I think arrogance is. I think hopelessness is. If Allah gives you a gift whereby you are able to do more, use it. But thank Him—not yourself, for that ability. And know that the heightened state is temporary. You may go from 0 to 60 in a very short time due to it, but when the high passes, don’t lose hope and let yourself slip back to 0.

Temporary:

Like every state in this life, this state is temporary. Life is never linear. And neither is the path to God. Not realizing this can cause despair and hopelessness once it passes.


Pitfalls of This State

The 2 pitfalls associated with this state correspond to not understanding the characteristics of the state listed above. These pitfalls are also the 2 causes of stagnation on the path to God: arrogance/complacency and hopelessness. The arrogant person already feels they are good enough, so they stop striving. The hopeless person believes that they will never be good enough, so they stop striving. Two opposite maladies, leading to the same result: To stop moving on the path to God.


Arrogance:

The first pitfall corresponds to not understanding that the increased ability to worship came from God and is a characteristic of the state—not the individual! The one who doesn’t understand this wrongfully attributes the heightened ability to worship to one’s own righteousness. This false attribution is very dangerous because it leads to arrogance and self-righteousness. Rather than realizing this heightened ‘religious state’ is a gift from God, the worshiper feels a sense of hidden pride and may look down on others who don’t share similar zeal.


Despair and Hopelessness:

This pitfall corresponds to not understanding that like all states in life, the spiritual high is temporary. This does not mean you have failed or done something wrong! Most people know what it feels like after the Ramadan high has passed. The instability of the ‘high’ is a characteristic of life. And that lesson is one even Abu Bakr (RA) had to learn. One day Abu Bakr (RA) and Hanzala (RA) came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said: ‘Hanzala is a hypocrite, Messenger of Allah!’ The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘Why is that?’ I said, ‘Messenger of Allah, when we are with you, you remind us of the Garden and Fire and it is as if we could see them with our eyes. When we leave your presence, we attend to our wives, children and estates in a state of great heedlessness.’ The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘By the One in whose hand my soul is, if you were to remain in the state you are in when you are in my presence and in the dhikr (remembrance), the angels would shake hands with you on your bed and in the street, but, Hanzala, different times are not the same.’ three times.” [Muslim]


After the Spiritual High Has Passed

The most important part of this journey is never giving up! Know that you don’t feel the same zeal, not because you have failed at something. The dip that follows the high is a natural part of the path! Just as the Prophet (pbuh) explained to Abu Bakr (RA), these ups and downs are part of the path. And had we always remained in the high, we wouldn’t be human. We’d be angels! The determining aspect for success is not so much what we do when we’re up. The question is what we do when were down—when we’re not feeling it. The key to succeeding on this path is that once you do reach your ‘low’, you keep going, knowing that it’s normal.


Shaytan’s Traps

Remember Shaytan will get at you in different ways depending you your state.


When You’re High:

When you’re high, he’ll try to get you by making you arrogant. He’ll try to get you by making you look down on others. He’ll try to get you eventually by being so pleased with yourself that you don’t think you need to keep striving because you are already so great (and better than others around you). He will consistently make you look at those who appear to do less than you to justify your own shortcomings. For example, if you don’t wear hijab, he’ll make you think, “There are hijabis that do x, y, z bad things! At least I don’t do those things! I do x, y, z good things that hijabis don’t do!” Or if you slacken in prayer, you may think, “At least I’m not clubbing or drinking like so and so.” Remember, Allah isn’t grading on a curve. It makes no difference what others are doing. We all stand alone on the Day of Judgment. And this is just a tool of Shaytan to make us stop striving.

When You’re Low:

But when you’re low, shaytan will try to get at you differently; he’ll try to get you by making you hopeless. He’ll try to make you believe that you’re worthless and that there’s no point in trying. He’ll try to make you believe you are a failure and no matter what you do, you’ll never get back to where you once were! Or he may try to make you believe that you’re too ‘bad’ for Allah to forgive you. As a result, you may let yourself fall further. You may have been up once, and then felt so bad about yourself because you started to slacken in your worship. And maybe because of your previous self-righteousness you didn’t give people permission to make mistakes or be weak. This ends up becoming self-destructive because it further translates to not giving yourself ‘permission’ to make mistakes and be weak.

Since you believe you don’t have permission to be human and fallible, when you do make a mistake, you are so hard on yourself that you lose hope. So you let yourself go. You may end up committing more sins, which only makes your hopelessness worse! And it becomes a self-perpetuating vicious cycle. Shaytan will also try to make you believe that you shouldn’t try to repent or pray because you’d be a hypocrite since you are such a ‘bad’ person. He wants you to despair in the mercy of Allah. That’s what he wants! These are all lies, of course. But he’s good at what he does, after all. When you have sinned, that’s when you need to turn to Allah even more—not less!

To protect yourself from this downward spiral, remember that the lows are part of the path. Remember that ‘futoor’ (the dip) is part of being human. Once you realize that this does not mean you failed or that you are a hypocrite (like Abu Bakr (RA) thought), you can keep from giving up once you get there. The key is to develop certain habits which become your ‘bare minimum’. That means no matter how you feel, how unmotivated, how low, you still do these things at the very least. You realize that when you’re at your low, it’s going to be harder, but you struggle to keep doing them. For example, the bare minimum is the 5 daily prayers at their appointed times. This should *never* be compromised no matter *how much* you’re ‘not feeling it’. They should be considered like breathing air. Imagine what would happen if every time you were exhausted or in a bad mood you decided not to breathe!

It is preferred to have other rituals that are part of the ‘bare minimum’. For example, stick to certain extra prayers and athkar or daily Quran—even if it’s little. Remember that Allah loves a small *consistent* action more than a huge inconsistent one. If you hold onto certain essentials during your ‘low’, you will ride the wave of iman and come back up, insha Allah. And, God willing, when you do go back up, you’ll be at a higher place than your last ‘high’.

Know that the path to Allah is not a flat one. Your iman (faith) will go up and down. Your ability to worship will go up and down. But, know that for every dip, there is also a rise. Just stay patient, stay consistent, don’t lose hope and seek help in Allah. The path is hard. The path will have bumps and drops. But, like all things in this life, this path will come to an end. And that end will make it all worth it!

Allah says:

‘Oh mankind, indeed you are ever toiling towards your lord, painfully toiling…But you shall meet Him’ (84:6)

My next experiment

Bulan puasa ni... kalau malas pergi beli, masak...kalau malas masak, pergi beli.... but since bulan puasa ni naik train je dan train station pulak kat bawah rumah, memang takde chance la nak lalu mana² tempat orang jual juadah buka puasa la kan...dah sampai rumah nak keluar balik memang liat sikit nak keluar especially kalau sorang²...alhamdulillah setakat ni 75% buka puasa kat rumah...walaupun simple..hehehe

So far dah masak nasik makan ngan lauk² simple je...buat cendawan goreng tepung (note to self: once u get the right batter consistency, jgn biar dia duduk lama²)..nasi goreng kampung full set ala² kat Serai..roti lapis berdaging..today my brothers request nak spaghetti bolognese with meatballs...tomorrow maybe nak grill salmon belly and salmon head with my own concoction of teriyaki sauce (experimenting)...hohoho....cooking is better than anti-depressant uols...

And then, since my bro likes to boast about his prawn curry, I'm planning to pair it with this...I had it before...memang sedap...and I can put the saffron that I have in my pantry to good use as well..


Seafood Paella (serves 6-8)


source: http://www.justeasyrecipes.co.za/2009/08/27/seafood-paella/

Spain’s most famous dish is a yummy concoction of rice, vegetables, beans, seafood and spices such as saffron. This easy seafood paella recipe will allow even the most inexperienced chef to produce an exciting and mouth-watering dinner.

Ingredients:

2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, finely chopped
1 green pepper, seeded and finely chopped
1 red or orange pepper, seeded and cut into strips
2 carrots, peeled and cut into julienne strips
2 cloves of crushed garlic
2 tomatoes, skinned and finely chopped
1 tsp saffron
350g long-grain rice
1kg mixed seafood (fish, prawns, calamari and mussels)
2-3 tbsp fresh coriander or parsley, chopped
200g sugar snap peas, trimmed
fresh limes or lemons, cut into wedges


Method:

1.Heat olive oil in a large frying pan.
2.Add onion, green and red peppers and carrots, and fry over a low heat for two minutes.
3.Add garlic, tomatoes and saffron and fry for three minutes.
4.Add the rice and stir well to make sure the rice is well coated.
5.Add about 800ml water or seafood stock and bring to the boil.
6.Simmer for 10 minutes.
7.Add seafood, coriander and sugar snap peas and stir well.
8.Cover and simmer for a further 10 -15 minutes.
9.Add a little water if it gets too dry.
10.The dish is ready once the mussels open and the rice is tender.
11.Season with salt and freshly ground black pepper, coriander and lemon wedges.

Happy Times

Sangat suka gambar ni hence putting it here

Of Mornings

Just for the record, the mornings are the hardest.
The pain kept coming back, in its rawest form.
No matter how much I block it, I still have to embrace and sit with it.
Be still, be very still.
Hoping it will glide away.
Wishing that this phase will go away.
Why does it keep dragging on?
Why do I have to walk around, not knowing whether this heavy feeling is a heartache or a heartburn?
I admitted defeat, didn't I?

Mornings are the hardest.


- Posted using BlogPress

Which day will it be?

Alhamdulillah, dah 3 hari kita berpuasa...actually nak cerita kisah sehari sebelum berpuasa hari tu....I had TC temankan, tolong makan dan bayarkan dessert di Ben's....hehehehe orang depressed nak makan several types of desserts but don't want to bear the consequences sorang²..

Sape yang pernah pergi Ben's taula that they have this table topic cards to kill time while waiting for your order or it's a first date and you mati kutu nak cakap apa....so this question came up:

IF YOU CAN GO BACK IN TIME AND RE-LIVE ONE DAY OF YOUR LIFE, WHICH DAY WILL IT BE?

I was expecting TC to answer one of the days that he spent with the love of his life, but instead he said New Zealand....auwwww....seriously made my day...the true meaning of friendship. There were 5 of us... albeit 2 orang join lambat sikit tapi tertinggal flight we all had fun...semua pun single masa tu, carefree...I was off-dating for more than 2 years (by choice) and 2 out of 5 of us don't really believe in love (not going to mention which ones!)... we rented a 1980's wagon that is still in good condition and I drove most of the time (sebab badan montel nak duduk berimpit 3 orang kat belakang tak best)

Too bad I can only dream of having a nice long vacation for the time being..........drilling uols! Raya pun aku sambut di KL aje...

NZ, Sept 2011

NAMELESS

There’s salvation in admitting defeat.

The peace of prostration.

Just stay still in that position,

With your head lowered.

Freeze.

Wait.

Stay humbled.

Wait.

Stay lowered. Until He raises you.

They’ve searched the world

for what can be found in the quietest corners of a room.

They search a million words for what can only be found in silence.

They create a million names for the nameless.

For what can only be found in wordless thought.

Nameless states.

Stop letting it own you.

Let it go.

Let it go for Him and He will honor you.

He will raise you.

I looked on every street corner,

Inside every store window,

In and through both heartache and beauty,

Inside the story within the story,

Behind the sheet music.

Names. We’re always looking for names.

We try to name all of it.

We think that if only we could name each chain,

they would all break.

Maybe I need to live between.

Between the words, the heart,

the space between earth and sky.

Maybe I could live there.

In the space between knowledge and understanding.

Between love and letting go.

In the place where it stops hurting to be so far away.

The place where you’re already there.

In the nameless.

He said, “She feels like a habit I’ll never break.”

Break.

Break, so you can break.

The strong fall so they can stand.

Fall.

There’s salvation in admitting defeat.

Adam (AS) admit defeat.

Yunus (AS) admit defeat.

Nuh (AS) admit defeat.

Ayoub (AS) admit defeat.

Muhammad (SAW) admit defeat.

How can you claim to be strong?

~by Yasmin Mogahed

Point Taken

"Being angry with another person, is like drinking poison yet expecting them to die from it."

I choose happy.

I choose to do whatever I feel like doing and be done with it.

No anger.

P/S: by the way article ini sangat best...


http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/people-leave-each-other-but-do-they-return/

“What is with you must vanish: what is with Allah will endure. And We will certainly bestow, on those who patiently persevere, their reward according to the best of their actions.” (Quran 16:96)




   

title-less

Took this selfie during my travel in Goa last year

Being there was like transported back to the hippies era

Where everybody walks around without a sense of time

high on weeds, waking up on the beach not knowing how they got there

It's not Patong Beach crazy though,

just that when you are here

you just let time passes by

without much worry in your head

maybe that's the reason I have that insanely happy smile

oh how I wish I can rewind time to go back to this very moment

to have that glint in my eyes

to feel the light in my heart

or to fast forward to happier times

but time travel is not yet possible

hence life has to be faced

one day at a time

"The enduring life is the one that begins once we awaken from this world. And it is in that awakening that we realize................it was only a dream."

Just Give Me a Reason - Pink ft Nate Ruess

Right from the start
You were a thief you stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep
Things you never say to me
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Im sorry I don't understand where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
Oh we had everything
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everything
And its all in your mind
Yeah but this is happening
You've been having real bad dreams
Oh oh
You used to lie so close to me
Oh oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between out love, our love, oh our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
Your not broken just bent and we can learn to love again

Oh tears ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust but our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

The Stab

Don't grieve at the stab.

It's only meant to free you.

From the chains that bind you to the earth

and shackle you to the shadows of people.

The mirage of water cannot quench.

But is so beautiful to the thirsty.

I'm afraid. Of never knowing another life.

Different. So different.

If I let go, will You take me higher?

Above grief, want, loss.

Above all that I've ever known.

Take me higher. Unbind me from the earth.

Like a vaccine, it sickens, to make you stronger.

The stab is temporary. The freedom, eternal.

- YASMIN MOGAHED

in the mood for Paulo

***hhehehe...apa Lennon buat kat sini?

Dear God

Remember all those conversations I had with YOU?

Please take care of everything Ya Allah..

Please let me have a strong heart

Please protect those who are dearest to me

Please protect all the Muslims

I know YOU will

I know YOU have been doing all that, all this while

I know YOU always guide my way

I know YOU love me

and for that

Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahuakbar

Pet Peeves

Some people cakap aku cerewet, tapi sebenarnya aku agak tolerant if I adjust my mind to it. Macam durian, belacan, cencaluk, blue cheese, haggis....it's all about acquired taste.

Anyway, ada 3 benda ni made it to the top list of perkara yang aku rasa susah nak tolerate.

1. LIES

Pantang nombor teratas. I used to have a habit of dropping little lies here and there during my teenage years, tapi nak ditakdirkan bila dapat hidayah in uni, ambik kau....pasal benda-benda remeh pun aku nangis-nangis call mak ayah mintak ampun....(which they found to be both funny and worrying).

Hence, I made it a policy not to lie. Walaupun kadang-kadang kebenaran tu boleh jeopardize karierku, aku tetap akan berterus-terang. Nasib baik boss cakap "Appreciate your candor"...and because of this policy, it also heightened my senses kot when people lie. I always found out. Siapa yang pernah tipu aku tau la kan...hahahaha....you know who you are missy. Nasib baik ko reti pujuk aku.

Anyway, a lot of times if it doesn't affect me that much aku biar je....seronok tengok telatah orang yang dok cover2 ni.


2. NOT KEEPING YOUR WORDS

"A man is as good as his words." Orang putih ngan orang cina dua² ada peribahasa ni, cuma ngan diorang ni I think it will only apply among kins. Kalau orang luar, diorang peduli apa. Orang melayu pun ada peribahasa, "lembu berpegang pada tali, manusia berpegang pada janji" (though, aku prefer kalau it's kerbau instead of lembu)...so kalau takleh pegang janji, baik jadi lembu atau kerbau...or just don't promise me anything if you can't keep it or can't reason with me afterwards.

***OMG, my 2-year old niece pun ada perangai macam ni, kalau ko dah janji nak bawak dia jalan, muka dia akan moyok satu hari kalau dari pagi sampai petang masih jugak duduk rumah.


3. ANY FORM OF ABUSE

Be it physical, mental or emotional. Or any form of penganiayaan. Lately aku banyak sangat dengar cerita perempuan rampas laki orang. Itu aniaya jugak tu...cuba kalau semua benda-benda alah penderaan, penganiayaan tu kena kat kau balik, apa ko rasa?

Ingat karma, ingat balasan Allah. Tak cepat, lambat beb.



Ok. I'm done membebel. Gotta work work work.